2013 Holiday Letter

Happy Holidays, friends, family, Facebook friends, people I send Christmas cards to but haven't spoken to in years, and random internet stalkers! 

I hope this letter finds you and yours well. 

I had a hard time writing this year's letter, because, to be honest 2013 wasn't my favorite year.  And after 2012 being so amazing, 2013 being less than awesome was somewhat of a bummer.  

Adventures with Bertha

As I mentioned last year, I hurt my back.  At the time, it was on the mend.  Or so I thought.  Despite spending a few months in physical therapy, my back got worse - after I thought it was getting better.  At the beginning of the year, I decided to get a second opinion and it turns out that my herniated disc was actually three herniated discs.  ...So THAT explains all the pain I was in!

In January, I entered the world of spinal injections.  Unfortunately, when I started my spinal injections, I had to stop my beloved yoga.  I was sure that was going to be temporary, but it turns out many months later I would find out that would not be the case.

After my first injection, I saw some relief, but was still in pain.  So we decided to do another round of injections.  And then another type of injection.  And then another round of the initial type of injections but in a different spot.  And then some more physical therapy. 

And then things got worse. 

I started to lose muscle tone in my left leg and I was in almost constant pain.  I called it shaky pain, because I would be in so much pain that I would start to shake until I could take my muscle relaxers and pain medications, which I could only do when I was at home since my employer was very clear on not working while under the influence and, well, I need my job. 

It got to the point that I eventually started referring to my back issues as "Bertha."  Bertha started calling all the shots in my life.  When she wasn't happy, she let me know - and made me pay.  She decided when I would go out and try to have fun.  Actually, she usually decided against most activities and if I tried to go against her wishes, she usually sent me home early.  To be honest, she's a bitch and I really don't like her.

I finally got to stop physical therapy since it wasn't doing a whole lot for me, got another MRI with a stronger magnet (along with a round of Xanax for my ride in the loud plastic coffin) and eventually a nerve test.  As expected, things had gotten worse and there was nerve damage.  So, we decided to do another round of injections (for those of you following at home, that is a total of five -5 - different injections) at a different angle and if that didn't work... well, then we'd have to discuss further, more aggressive options.  Needless to say, I was nervous and desperate for it to work.  

So, I went in for another injection in the late summer, and started to see improvements/feel better.  Bertha eventually stopped calling all of the shots and I got to start living life without having to determine when my meds would wear out and when I could take them again, without having to leave every event early due to pain, without experiencing shaky pain too much.  

But as it turns out, this may not have been the long-lasting panacea I was hoping for, because as I write this, Bertha has returned and, well, I'm not sure what happens next...
 
This fall I learned from my doctor that while I have the spirit and heart for yoga, I do not have the back for yoga and my yoga days are over.  Believe it or not, it's because I'm just too flexible (inappropriate comment goes here).  Unfortunately, my hyper-flexibility enables me to get into some seriously amazing poses that I SHOULDN'T be in.  I don't get the signals from my body that say "THIS IS A BAD IDEA, WOMAN" until it's too late.  Like really too late.  Like to the point that I pop a few discs out of place and cause nerve damage kind of late.  Since I went almost a year without being released to do yoga, I was prepared, but still heartbroken when I got the official word.

So, now that I can't do yoga, what can I do instead?  Turns out, not much.  I can't do anything that involves, running, jumping, lifting, bending, and/or twisting.  I've gotta admit that trying to find enthusiasm for the limited activities that I can actually do is not easy.  So, now I've just gotta accept it and move on.  

And if you've known me for any amount of time, you know that accepting and moving on is just my cup of tea.  (And if you've known me for any amount of time, you know that the last sentence was dripping with sarcasm.)

 

Adventures in online dating

While I lived my life with Bertha, I was bound and determined to get out and do that whole dating thing.  As you recall, I already showed you the picture I had planned to use as online dating profile picture.  Turns out, guys DIG that.  Not good guys.  Not guys worth mentioning, but guys with pulses, which is the nicest thing I could say about most men I encountered through online dating.

I did manage to have a few not horrible dates, but I also managed to have quite a few bad dates.  Like the kind where I texted my girlfriends from said dates to tell them I was alive and that if they didn't hear from me again in the next 20 minutes, they should send the police. 

After a false start or two, I did actually meet someone and we ended up dating for quite a few months.  But alas it didn't last.  My heart was bruised and broken, but since my heart is like a Timex, it takes a licking and keeps on ticking.  I know that everything happens for a reason and I am not giving up.  I'm moving on and wading back into the waters of what's out there.  

Adventures in Bahamas

Despite getting a hurt back and a hurt heart, I did have a few amazing things happen to me in the last year.  By far, the most amazing part of the year happened in April.

As some of you know by now, Mamala sees dead people.  What I mean is, she puts the fun in funerals.  And because she's so good at working with a bunch of stiffs and people are dying to work with her, she wins amazing prizes - like the trip we took to Disney World a few years ago and the trip we took to the Bahamas this year.

This spring, Mamala and I took our antics international and spent a week in Freeport, Grand Bahamas.  Holy Caribbean beauty!  It was incredible.  We spent days on white sandy beaches, soaking up every minute.  I could go on and on how beautiful the waters were, how fantastic the weather was (most days), how fried all the food was, but really all you need to know is this: I SWAM WITH DOLPHINS, Y'ALL.

Best Friends Forever.

This was by far one of the most astounding experiences of my life.  The dolphins we swam with were beautiful, intelligent, funny, sweet, gentle, and simply majestic.  I got razzed by the trainers for using baby talk when I swam with Coral, my dolphin BFF, but her clicks and squees told me she loved it as much as I did. 

A part of the swimming experience included getting pictures of us kissing the dolphins and getting hugged by the dolphins.  As you can see, I enjoyed it.  Not just because I was hugging this magnificent beauty, but because SHE WAS HUGGING ME BACK.  WITH HER FINS.  

I have literally never been this happy in my life.

If you ever have the opportunity to swim the dolphins (and do not have any moral opposition to swimming with captive animals, which I totally respect and understand), DO IT.  If you ever have the opportunity to do it at the Dolphin Experience in Freeport, Grand Bahamas, tell Philip I miss him.

Oh, Philip... We were so happy together.

 

Adventures at Work

Late last year, I started the application process to participate in a rotational assignment up with the biggest of the big wigs at work.  Early this year, it was announced that I was one of four candidates (and the only woman) selected to participate.  It was not just a huge honor, but a great achievement.   

For three months this summer, I left my regular position and was assigned to work with the highest levels of management at work, and got to experience what it will be like when I am eventually up there permanently.  I got to work on assignments outside of my realm of experience, take projects from beginning to end, and meet all sorts of new people.  I was able to build a reputation for myself outside of being that one chick that does silly things like spilling stuff.  




I feel like I made an impression on the powers that be when at one of my last staff meetings with the top management I was told by the top dog that I had the most colorful wardrobe of all the other participants.  I replied that I had been described as colorful before, but it's not usually my clothes people refer to, and that I was going to take that as a compliment. 

Since leaving my rotation, I returned to my regular position but I took a special project with me.  This project is a long one that entails going out to meet with users of a new computer system in all of the Departments across our organization, identifying areas for efficiency, and (hopefully) making some of those efficiencies a reality in the near future.  My partner and I are one third of the way completed, and so far, it has been a really great project.  I'm hoping our progress continues!

Adventures in Weddings

Remember when I said that I wasn't going to be a bridesmaid ever again?  Well, that's still the case.  I am three years strong of not being a bridesmaid, but I've somehow found a new role in weddings.  This one I happen to not just love, but relish. 

I've never had a problem speaking in public.  Hell, I lived for doing it when I was in high school when I came out as a loud and proud Thespian.  So, when a dear friend asked me late last year if I'd consider performing her wedding the following spring, I replied something like this:

One can always count on me for appropriate responses.

One internet form and 20 minutes later, I became an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church.  For reals. 

And then in April, I was absolutely honored to perform the wedding ceremony for one of my oldest and dearest friend, Lindsey and her gorgeous (now) hubby Brian.  Lindsey and Brian's wedding was so much fun to participate in and I am still damn proud that I got the bride, groom, and audience to drop the F-bomb.  Twice.

I took the job very seriously. Obviously.

I was so amazing at Lindsey's wedding, I was asked to perform another ceremony.  This time for my partner in crime and sister-wife at work Haley and her hilarious (now) hubby Nick.  

Haley and I have become a dynamic duo since she was hired last year and our antics keep our Department entertained (or annoyed) on a daily basis.  Haley's wedding took place on a beautiful fall evening in my old stomping grounds, Flagstaff.  Her wedding was touching and moving.  So moving in fact, I broke character and burst into tears while performing the ceremony.  Twice.  But between the cows and car alarm, it only added to the experience.

Fact: Three out of three people in this picture cried during the ceremony.

I actually love participating in people's weddings this way.  So, if you're gonna get hitched and want a sensitive yet hilarious ordained minister, hit me up!

New Adventures

So, now that 2013 is just about behind me, I can say with 100% certainty that I am very much looking forward to 2014.  

I don't have anything amazing planned yet and that's just fine.  I'm looking forward to seeing what the Universe brings my way over the next trip around the sun.  

I am hoping for health, happiness and love.  

For myself and for you.

Namaste.